They Paved Paradise
by SomeLikeItHot88
Summary: Post10x04, Begins right after Cristina leaves Owen in the lobby with the women from Seattle Pres. She never thought it would be this hard to let go, she never allowed herself to believe that it would hurt this bad, now she's having second thoughts. Don't it alway's seem to go? that you don't know what you've got til its gone?. Will be rated M eventually
1. I Won't Give Up

In theory she had psyched herself up to believe that she could do it, that she could not only stand by and watch Owen find another women, flirt with another women, fall in love with another woman, and then eventually marry another woman. She knew it wouldn't be easy but she had thought she could find the strength and courage to act selflessly for once in her life and do something that didn't offer her a gain or benefit. It was only when she excused herself from the lobby where the fundraiser had been held, so that Owen could be left alone with the blonde women who had taken a liking toward him, that she realized this was gonna be a lot harder then she thought. She quickly walked away from the man that was once her husband so he could have the opportunity to meet someone who he could promise another 40 years of his life to. The thought of him living the life he had once envisioned for them, with someone else literally made it impossible for her to breathe.

She turned her back for a split second to look over her shoulder to witness their small interaction, Owen's eyes did not deter from the women standing in front of him and that broke Cristina's heart even more. She remembered a time when his eyes used to follow her outside a room without losing focus. But now she was no longer the object of his affection as this woman had intrigued him like she once had. She tried so hard to push the pain and ache in her heart at the back of her mind and justify that she was doing the right thing, the she couldn't give Owen what he wanted and needed. It was better this way, the logical side told her but a split second later, another voice rang in her ear, _you can give him what he wants, you just choose NOT to. _

He had protested multiple times for her to let go of the idea of them dating other people for the past week, but she just kept nagging and insisting. Now, she was kicking herself in the ass for trying to be selfless. She wished she could take it back, God she wished she could take it back because this feeling at the bottom of her stomach was making it hard to breathe and she felt like she was gonna puke when images of Owen and this woman started to appear in her head. She didn't want to think about them, she tried so hard to eliminate the thoughts racing in her mind but she couldn't help but imagine him kissing her, taking off her clothes, having sex with her… oh crap…. she was gonna puke….

She hurriedly walked over to a trash can outside and regurgitated all the alcohol and food she had inhaled at the party.

Cristina had never felt this way before, even when Owen confessed that he had slept with someone else on a drunken night after she had aborted _her baby… his baby….their baby._ He had wanted to subconsciously hurt her back, make her feel the pain he felt when he had to stand their and hold her hand while she killed the life that they had created together. She knew that was a huge burden that he had to endure and even though it killed her spirit when he crushed all her hopes and dreams by telling her that he had touched another women, kissed another women and had sex with another women….somehow standing outside and looking in, the image of Owen moving on felt like death. It hurt more then anything she had ever experienced before, it was like someone had reached in and tore her heart out of her chest and ripped it to shreds.

She began to walk across the street to Joe's, thinking about drowning her sorrow with tequila. Its funny because normally she would start to cry, but she physically could not shed a tear, though she felt sadness and hurt, those two emotions were not at the forefront of everything bottled up inside. Cristina felt complete and utter shock, and with that came the feeling of disbelief. She thought she was stronger…. she was even known as a robot or an ice queen…. but no amount of preparation could have helped with the sudden feeling of wanting to disappear…to vanish…. she just wanted to die. And that was something that she had need felt before.

How would she be able to endure watching Owen fall in love with someone else? Looking at someone else like he had once looked at her? Telling another women that he wants to spend 40 years with her? Telling her he thinks she's beautiful?

And then it hit her like a ton of bricks,….. How could she possibly watch from the sidelines as Owen not only married another woman, but got another woman _pregnant_?

She made her way to the bar and sat down, she ordered her drink and let the melancholy seep in further. She was trying to be the bigger person and be selfless, so she expected it to hurt, she just didn't realize that it would hurt this much. _Maybe if I was really selfless, I would of just offered to give him what he wanted, _she thought while hanging her head in shame. Cristina was on her third drink when she noticed Meredith take a seat next to her at the bar. Just as she sat down and got comfortable, Cristina turned to face her with a look of disbelief.

"He's…He's….gonna meet someone" Cristina stammered

"And he's gonna live that life that he pictured with me,…. with _her…. _you know?" she looked at Meredith with a nod, as if to remind her of a conversation they had, had once before.

"That huge life that he envisioned for us, the life that could have been bigger then I ever imagined, the life where I could contain more then I think I can?" She said hurriedly with hand motions and a look of disbelief.

Then Cristina took one last shot of the tequila sitting in front of her while Meredith sat there listening to every word her best friend was saying and sympathizing with the predicament she was in.

Once again Cristina faced her and with the most defeated and hopeless voice, she uttered,

"only… I won't be apart of it…. someone else will…. another woman will not only carry his baby…..but be proud and willing to…..And…you know what hurts the most?", Cristina didn't wait for a response.

"That woman could of been me!…. that woman was me, I had his baby growing in my womb, but because the timing was off and because I was selfish and wanted surgery to be my number one priority, I killed something that Owen wanted so badly, a symbol of our love, something that was apart of me and apart of him…..I know that I never wanted children, but I never even stopped to imagine what life could be like with them. I was pregnant by a man I loved, and here I'am now trying to be selfless and act like the bigger person…. when I could of been selfless before….. I could of given him a child….one would of been enough to fulfill his needs….and I'm not a monster Mer….., because I would of loved that child too….if I had a baby, I know I would love it, marriage is about sacrifices and give and take…. he was only asking for one child, not enough to make a soccer team ….and I couldn't put him first, not before my career at least." Cristina finally took a breath that she was holding and let out a loud sigh.

"When we can no longer be surgeons, he will have a wife again, and a family….. but what will I have Meredith? When I can no longer have my career?, What will I have to live for?" Cristina let the last statement come out a syllable at a time, and for the first time that night her eyes unleashed a pool of tears.

Meredith was left speechless, she was beginning to realize that maybe Cristina and her mother were less alike then she thought. Her mother had admitted to Cristina that she could of possibly had it all, a career and a life outside the hospital, but Ellis Grey didn't have the desire or want to try hard enough, and by the declaration Cristina had just made to Meredith, she suddenly understood that maybe Cristina was ready to try hard enough to make it work. Maybe all she needed was to be on the brink of losing it all in order to realize what she had and what she could still have before its too late.

Meredith got up of the bar stool and reached over for Cristina's hand and helped her up. She cleared her throat and helped her friend find her balance and guide her to the exit way.

"Its not too late Cristina, you still have the opportunity to have that life…. you just need to accept that its you want it….you and me….sometimes we are too stubborn to admit the truth…but we can't let that get in the way of our future." Meredith told her while she guided her outside the bar and took her to the house in the woods.


	2. Firehouse Blues

If these walls could talk, they would profess the unbearable heartbreak and pain that inhabits every surface and crevice of the firehouse, the atmosphere inhibited such a sadness and sorrow that Cristina strained to remember that she had once felt safe, secure, and at home…right here…within this historic building that she had bought as a gift to her husband. If these walls could talk, they would probably have no memory of the joy and laughter that once echoed throughout the vast space, they would neglect to share the happiness emitted from the two residents that once were so in love and carefree. The memory of a time, not long ago, when the firehouse was a monument to the start of a life together and the promise of a future, one that would outlast and outlive all the trials and tribulations that a marriage faces, these walls represented so much more then a roof over their heads and a place to lay to rest, Their firehouse was a testament to the agility, strength and perseverance of Cristina and Owen's union, their marriage was suppose to be as strong and resilient as the space they occupied, the firehouse had stood the test of time….surviving and standing tall through the years and decades, it was historic, it was one of a kind, this firehouse was bought as a beacon of hope and a gesture of compromise, but the couple who had once called it home, were unable to live up to the expectations that these walls had set.

Meredith had been gun ho about having Cristina stay with Derek and her, after all, she had built her friend a room in their dream house, never letting Cristina alleviate from the fact that she would always have a place to stay, a place to call home, a person who would never turn the other cheek, and always offer a shoulder to cry on and a hand to help her back up. But Cristina insisted that Meredith drop her off here…. she didn't even know why she wanted to be here…she second guessed herself the whole ride to this location, knowing that so much pain and hurt were caused within the confines of this place that she used to call home. But as much as she knew that the sight and sound of this building would bring up old memories that she had wished away, her heart would not let her deter Meredith from taking her there. She offered, pleaded and all but begged Cristina to at least let her keep her company in the firehouse but Cristina insisted that she go home to her husband and kids. As Mer reluctantly drove away, Cristina turned to face the haunted firehouse.

She found it amusing that they would end up living in a firehouse together right after they married, it was her first real act of selflessness toward Owen, she remembered the sheer and utter shock and joy that were emitted from his twinkling eyes as she popped the champagne bottle and welcomed him home. As she walked up the steps to the ghostly and vacant building, she replayed in her mind the moment she surprised Owen with his wedding gift.

_Cristina had heard his footsteps coming up the stairs while he relentlessly yelled out her name in confusion. Just as she saw his shadow creeping from the last step and making his way toward the space that would eventually be their bedroom, Cristina hurriedly got up and grabbed two makeshift flutes and in one fluid motion she juggled the plastic glasses and opened the bottle of champagne simultaneously. _

_"Welcome Home" she exclaimed while making her way towards Owen who looked around the firehouse with his mouth agape and a huge grin forming at the realization of her words. _

_"Its ours!…we bought it!, well actually,…. I bought it, but its for the both of us"_

_"I don't know what to say?" he gestured to their surroundings with a look of confusion_

_"our house has a fire pole in it, what else is their to say?" she exclaimed while handing him a cup _

_"But you said this mornin-" he started to say before she cut him off_

_"I don't care where we live…I really don't, but YOU do,… you love this place….and I love you" she proclaimed as she looked deep into his eyes as if trying to express her love for him in a level that words couldn't suffice. _

_For Owen, their was no need for words, they couldn't justify or begin to express the look that his eyes expressed, it was pure love and astonishment, like he thought he wasn't capable of loving her any more then he already had and in that moment he realized that he had reached a whole other level of love for her. Words seemed so inadequate and useless, they were definitely not needed because Cristina and Owen could express so much to one another with the absence of sound that it was impossible to deny that they were two halves of a whole. Their was so much love illuminating from his eyes that she swore they were the bluest she had ever seen them, with a heavy sigh and another soul-penetrating look, he shook his head in one last bit of disbelief and abruptly took her into his arms letting their lips meet, with his arms secured tightly around her waist and her arms reaching to rest tightly around his neck, they stood their and showed by action just how deep their bond was. _

_He had not only made sure that they christened their new home that night, but he had been adamant about worshiping her body in every way possible. This act of generosity and compromise on Cristina's part had not merited a simple "thank you" to him, it was a gesture that left him breathless and awestruck, and that made him so grateful and happy that he couldn't stop showing her, his appreciation. In fact that night he ended up showing his appreciation a total of five times. And each time he brought her to ecstasy, she withered beneath him, moaning, screaming, or whispering his name depending on how he decided she should be thanked, all the while he whispered huskily in her ear about how beautiful she was, how much he loved her, what she meant to him, how he loved to fuck her, and how nobody would ever love or make love to her the way he did. He always like to remind her in bed that she was his and he was the best she'd ever had. And his arrogance only turned her on even more. _

She thought that she had withstood pain before, the kind that had broken and traumatized her, changed her, and made a cynic out of her, but no amount of previous torment and agony could light a candle to the misery that she could not shake. It wasn't even just heartache, it was so much more and complex then that because she felt like, if she so much as moved her body the wrong way, it would implode.

She walked into the firehouse expecting to relive all the torture and fighting that had occured within its foundation, the scene of Owen kicking her out after her declaration that she had made an appointment to terminate her pregnancy, the harsh words that were exchanged, the image of laying on the bed and sighing in relief when Owen reassured her that he was not sleeping with a nurse she had accused of making advances at her husband. Only to have her breath taken away when he declared that he "loved her so much it hurt" oh, wait, ….I mean he professed that "it hurts…it hurts to love you".They had such a strong bond and connection that without having any solid evidence nor reason to suspect any infidelity, her whole body felt as though he had cheated on her.

The sound of sobs and violent cries echoed throughout the house, Cristina looked around and followed the torturous noise. She was guided into their bedroom and looked to her side of the bed as Owen stood before her while she was sprawled out on the bed with her head buried in the pillows while sobbing uncontrollably. She stood there and watched as her imagination replayed the scene. If this had been a scene in a movie, they would have accused her of over-acting and being too obnoxious, but this wasn't a scene in a movie, being portrayed by two actors trying to make it seem "real" and make the audience feel their pain. This was real life and this was the raw emotion that escaped from a person who had been betrayed by the one being in this world that she never thought would break her.

She walked slowly within the room as she lightly brushed the vanity with her fingertips. She made her way to the bed and slowly lowered herself at the end of it and sat down with her hands gripping the comforter from each side of her body.

This bed had witnessed many nights, afternoons and mornings full of passion and inhibited sexual excursions at the mercy of Owen and her. But for the past nine months it had been abandoned and left vacant, the squeals and moans that once echoed in the background now were replaced with silence that made this place eery and lifeless.

She missed him, God she missed him so, so much. Her mind began to wander about how the night had ended between Owen and the mystery lady. Had it even ended? Did the ego out for drinks and did he kiss her? did she kiss him back? Oh my God…. are they somewhere right now having sex? Are his hands roaming her body and trying to get acquainted, is he kissing her while trying to coyly remove her dress? Was he somewhere right now, grazing the back of her neck with light kisses? Was he climbing on top of her and slowly sliding inside her?

She shook her head back and forth rapidly while bringing her hands to her temples trying to push back the gut wrenching images her mind had just conjured up.

She stood up and starting pacing back and forth, unable to sit or stand still, she thought she was beginning to rapidly lose her mind because she couldn't form coherent thoughts, her mind was spinning out of control, and all she wanted was for it all to stop…. she just didn't want to feel anything anymore, why couldn't it stop?

Why did it hurt so bad? Why was this worse then the choking, the teddy love triangle, the shooting, the abortion, and the infidelity? Why did this feel like all those traumatic events rolled up into one bomb that exploded right in front of her? She would have never in a million years expected letting go to feel like this.

What if he's sleeping with this woman tonight and she gets her pregnant on the first try? That had been her biggest fear when Owen unleashed that he had a one night stand, she walked on eggshells everyday for the longest time waiting for the nameless woman to march into their lives and announce that she was carrying his love child. That would have killed her, this would be 100 times worse then death, it would be like lying in a hospital bed hooked up to a ventilator and being a vegetable for the rest of your life, unable to live, just to exist, but being coherent enough to visualize the love of your life, move on and live on.

Why couldn't she just want to have kids? Why did she feel like her life was over when she realized she was pregnant? Why did it matter so much to her to dedicate everything to surgery, to give it everything she had and wanted? Why did the thought of having a baby make her feel like her life was over? Why did it symbolize the end of her career? But most of all why was she suddenly willing to ask these questions and try to find the answers within herself, when she couldn't give reasons to why?, when Owen and her were in couples therapy? How come now that Owen was moving on, with her blessing to say the least, was she suddenly trying to make the pieces of the puzzle fit?

She kept pacing back and forth while trying to collect her thoughts and come up with reasonable answers for herself. She was so lost in her own world while her questions were being repeated over and over again in her head that she didn't hear or notice the loud footsteps that were headed up the stairs, and stopped in their tracks to take in the sight of Cristina rambling to herself.


	3. Two Is Better Then One

Thank you so much for the reviews, I'm glad people are actually reading this and enjoying it. I just wanted to let you be aware that I do not proofread or have a beta reader. I work full-time and I'm in law school, so I just write what I want and/0r feel should happen and then post it. This chapter went a different way after I saw the preview for next weeks episode, so I wanted to make it match slightly and add a little angst. I guess that Emma girl ail be in a few episodes. Please continue to review and let me know what you think.

The figure stood there taking in the sight of Cristina, she was still wearing the plunging v-neck dress, while the loud clicking of her heels could be heard underneath her rambling and scattered moving around the room. Her curls cascaded down her back while a few tresses fell onto each side of the shoulders, she looked breathtaking tonight. She was feisty and too smart for her own good, articulate, and a cardio God, and one day... Not too far away, he was sure that she would take his job. He had realized early on that she was not only easy on the eyes, but she was brilliant, and he found that to be mesmerizing.

He had no idea what possessed him to follow her, but he was sitting behind her at a booth with a date that he quickly dismissed, He noticed as soon as she had walked inside the bar, she looked lonely and in need of comfort, he had excused himself from the flirty blondes presence and was gonna take a seat next to her in the booth but her friend had beat him to the punch. Her words echoed in his ear and the pain and sorrow behind them left him numb and experiencing déjà vu, he hated to eavesdrop but couldn't help but listen to her bare her soul. He had been her once, been in her position and chosen his career over settling down in one place with one women, he abandoned the idea of marriage and children long ago, and instead focused his energy, time and life to being a surgeon. He had no idea why he followed the car, maybe it was to make sure that both passengers got home safe, Cristina had been drinking but he wasn't sure if Meredith was, and he wanted to be sure they got to their destination soundly. He knew he was being irrational and acting stalker-ish, he barely knew this woman after all, but his body began to move before his mind could make him retreat, something inside of him felt drawn to her and even though he was just her colleague, actually her boss, he felt like her admission in the bar had changed his whole perspective of her, she was so much like him that it scared him half to death.

He had no intention of making his presence known, he just wanted to follow behind and make sure they both got home safe, but when he saw Cristina get out of the car and wave Meredith off, his conscious couldn't let him leave her alone without making sure she was alright. He stood there and waited until she noticed that she wasn't alone in the room, and when she finally did, she jumped up in shock and bewilderment. She let out a shriek as her body jumped. Her eyes went from fear, to shock and confusion.

"Wha- what ... Are you doing here Dr. Russell? She stammered trying to determine if he was in front of her or if she was going crazy. "It's Jeff, Cristina, Remember I told you we could be on first name basis" he replied with a small grin appearing on his face. "Are you real or am I so drunk that I've begun hallucinating people." She asked with confusion written all over her face?" "No, your not imagining me, I'm sorry if I scarred you, I-... " he stammered with his words and kicked his foot in front of him, his discomfort evident.

'I was at the bar sitting behind you, you seemed... sad...and I was gonna join you but Dr. Grey beat me to it, I didn't mean to meddle in you business, but I overheard your conversation." He stopped for a minute to read her but her eyes weren't letting him see any emotion other then confusion.

'I wasn't going to make my presence known, I just wanted to make sure the both of you got home safe. I knew you were drinking and I didn't know if Dr. Grey was sober enough to drive, but then she dropped you off here, and you were by yourself... I just didn't know if you were well enough to be alone." He finished while he momentarily wished he hadn't came up to this firehouse because he was pretty sure this was one of the most awkward situations he had ever been in. She stood there in silence for a moment and just starred at him before he decided to add more to this one sided conversation.

'I'm not a stalker Dr. Yang, it's just that what you said and how you felt... I've been there before... I was you once, I gave up on the opportunity to have a life outside of the hospital, I couldn't settle in one place for a women, I couldn't be a good husband or a father, ... So now... I'm the consummate bachelor, I date... A lot...but I don't have a wife that greets me at the door when I come home, there are no footsteps of kids running around in my home... It's quite and lonely...so I have my job... My life... Surgery... Thats all I have left." He said with a loud sigh and stuffed his hands deeper into his coat pockets.

She stood there for another minute taking in the words he had just professed, she had to give him credit, he had put himself in a vulnerable state, maybe to even the playing field so she didn't feel embarrassed that he had witnessed her moment of weakness and distress. He had followed her here, in any other circumstance she would of thought he was weird and a stalker, but hearing him have empathy for her situation and share his own experience to justify his behavior tonight made her relax a tiny bit.

' it's Cristina' she answered simply.

"If I can 'Jeff' you then you can 'Cristina' me." She elaborated when a look of confusion crossed his face.

"So you and Chief Hunt huh?" He asked with a nod. "Should of known by the way he fought so hard to bring you back to Seattle" he started as she motioned for him to take a seat at the kitchen table while she walked over to the cabinets to fish out a couple glasses and some liquor.


	4. I Hate This Part Right HerePt 1

Cristina found out the hard way that Owen actually decided to take her advise and move on, she had the pleasure of running into Owen and that women, Emma was it? While coming out the supply closet. She had stopped in to bring him lunch and she had overheard from Callie that she had dropped off some delicious banana bread the week before. She noticed lately that people were talking behind her back or in hushed whispers so not to let her hear. Owen was avoiding her, or maybe he was to preoccupied with his new lady, she didn't understand why he hadn't mentioned to her that he began dating again, he let her live in ignorance and she despised him for that. She overheard April Kepner making a joke about Emma bringing him food so often and how it meant that they were gonna get married soon. The perky redhead was lucky that Cristina had gotten paged or else she woulda had her ass kicked back to the farm she came from. She also had the urge to punch that Emma girl in face, I mean really? She was a little pathetic, being up Owens ass and cooking him food and bringing it to the hospital... To HER hospital... Stupid girl...and why was she parading herself around her corridors? Why was she trying to upstage her and prove she could be a better wife then Cristina had been to him? They had only met two weeks ago and already she was showing up to his place of work with food in hand... It was pathetic, really. No wonder she had no published papers or awards under her name... She was too busy trying to win men's hearts through their stomachs.

Cristina was not Betty home maker and she would never be, she was a genius surgeon and if Owen would rather have a housewife slaving away with chores all day then this Emma chick was perfect for him. As much as she tried to pretend it didn't hurt and as many remarks she made about her in her head, Cristina was falling apart from the inside out and didn't even had her person to talk to about it. Since the blow up over her allegedly stealing Meredith's surgery and patient, they had been walking on eggshells with one another. It reminded her of the solo surgery fiasco way back with their interns operating on each other which had caused Cristina to be withdrawn from the competition even though every attending had chosen her as the winner. Meredith had cut her some slack this time around because she knew that Cristina was an emotional wreck right now and was dealing with her pain by getting angry. Cristina knew she was harsh on Meredith and couldn't quite understand why she made such a big deal about mer's kids getting in the way of surgery.

Her and Jeff had become inseparable the past couple of weeks, even though Cristina had previously cut his funding for the cardio thoracic department months ago, after she realized he was using her to gain more money for his program since she was a board member and owned part of the hospital, so she cut three million from his program and opted to do the work of four people by herself. This move ended up working out great for the both of them, it enabled them to act as a team without interference from anyone else. You would think that spending this much time inside of work with someone might be overkill when you decided to devote time for them outside of the hospital, but instead they both enjoyed each others company. He had come over a few times at the house she shared with Alex and brought wine and dinner while they had great conversations, it was so easy to talk to him . She enjoyed getting to know him and hearing all the wisdom he had to teach, although it was awkward when Alex walked in on them after a couple glasses of wine and in a fit of laughter after Jeff had told her about his adventures while backpacking in Europe. He had encouraged her to move back in the firehouse, Alex's place was beginning to look like a frat house again but Cristina was still reluctant. She had been over his place once, it was a beautiful penthouse in the heart of downtown, the quintessential bachelor pad, she even swore that she saw a full length mirror on the top of his bed when she passed his room to use the restroom.

He had suggested that instead of just hanging out at one of their homes, they should get out into the world and meet for drinks and a nice dinner instead of settling for the Chinese takeout they had grown accustomed to. The place was upscale so she decided to dress up for the first time since the gala. She wore her favorite little black dress that had a long slit at the side of her leg, though this time when she wore it her body looked completely different. She had put on about ten pounds in the last month and it had all went to her chest and backside. She almost contemplated wearing a different dress because this one was glued to every curve and crevice of her body, she had gone up a whole cup size in the chest department and her boobs were begging to pop out of her dress at any moment. She decided to wear it anyway, might as well live up my looks and body while I still have them, she thought. Her hair was done different tonight, she had used a curling iron to achieve long and loose curls instead of the mass of kinky curls she was accustomed to, she had even gone the extra mile and wore a full face of makeup. She realized that she indeed cleaned up very nice by the looks various admirers were giving her as she sat at the bar nursing a drink and waiting for Jeff to arrive.

He was unusually late... Very late in fact and Cristina began to think he had stood her up until she realized he hadn't got off till 7, nonetheless he usually texted to let her know where he was or how long he'd be. Dr. Russell was just about to walk out the door when he received a page from Chief Hunt and Dr. Karev stating '911' and didn't have time to text Cristina that he was being summoned on an incoming trauma. Cristina was just about to call Jeff until she also received a 911 page from Owen and Alex. She quickly got up, paid for her drink and left.

Owen was at the hospital trying to catch up on paperwork but his mind was else where. He kept thinking about Cristina and the look on her face as she descended from the supply closet and saw Emma handing him the lunch she had prepared for him. He felt uncomfortable and awful, like he had done something wrong, like he was cheating on Cristina but he kept telling himself that she had pushed him into dating, she had made him promise that they would date other people, she had decided that it was over and time to move on, and for the first time he finally obliged to her wishes. It didn't mean that it didn't hurt any less, Cristina was still the love of his life and nobody could ever take her place in his heart, but she had picked surgery over him. And here was Emma, willing and able to give him everything he had ever wanted and needed... She cooked, she cleaned, she was neat and organized, she wanted to get married and have kids, she was theoretically everything he wanted... But she wasn't Cristina. He knew that nobody would ever be her, or come close to being her in his heart, she was the love of his life and he would never love any other woman as much as he loved her or even close to. She had made her bed though, And now she had to lye in it. Emma and him had only begun dating a couple weeks ago but she had shown a big interest from the get-go and they had been on a couple dates out for drinks and of course she had shown up multiple times at the hospital to surprise him with food. Owen was about to get up and call it a night but right before he was getting ready to leave he received an urgent and panicked call from Emma.

sShe was riding in an ambulance with a car crash victim and his date, they were being transferred to Grey-Sloan from Seattle Pres in need of a level 1 trauma center. The driver, a male 39 years old was in critical condition while his date only had minor injuries. Dr Russell, Dr karev, Owen and Emma were all working on the victim when Cristina made it into the hospital. She walked right into the ER and instead of going to the lockers to change, she went looking for the room with the trauma to let them know she had just arrived and would be ready to work in a couple minutes. She found the room and tried to decipher from all the commotion what was going on and what was wrong with the trauma patient. She noticed quickly the presence of Emma and was grateful that she hadn't changed her attire yet. She hurriedly walked into the room to make her presence known.

"Hey, I just got paged, whatta we got?" She said slightly out of breath from rushing to get across town to the hospital.

Four pairs of eyes quickly looked up and away from her before all doing double takes and quickly averting their eyes right back to Cristina. Each one of them including Emma were gawking at her, Owens jaw must have fell down to the floor taking in the sight of Cristina in THAT dress, he loved that dress, but boy did that dress look so much different on her then the last time she wore it. It fit her like a glove, he noticed she had gained weight, but it had all went to her boobs which were spilling out of the confines of her dress and her ass... God you could probably serve drinks off it now , he thought. Her hair was different he noticed, it was a softer curl which made her mane look about three inches longer, the soft waves fell around her back and the sides of her chest, cascading down and enhancing an already remarkable body. Her lips were full and plump as ever and her cheeks were warm and inviting while her eyes were lined with charcoal and mascara. She looked phenomenal and Owen couldn't take his eyes off her.

"Nice rack yang" Alex said with a smirk. " Guess all that food Dr Russell's been feeding you is taking shop in all the right spots" he added with a devilish twinkle in his eye.

While him and Emma being the only two to get back to working on the patient. The other two men in the room couldn't be beckoned to move from the view in front of them. Huh? Owen thought. What was Alex saying and why would Dr. Russell be feeding Cristina? His question was answered when Dr Russell cleared his throat and finally spoke.

"You wore a dress" he mused.

"I wore a dress" Cristina repeated with a nod and affirmation.

"you look breathtaking Cristina" Dr Russell struggled for his words and was clearly mystified by the sight in front of him. "I'm so sorry, I was just about to text you on my way out when I received a 911 page... It was so hectic in here and we were trying to stabilize the patient, I don't want you to think I stood you up... I'll make it up to you tomorrow night, I promise... Just make sure you wear that dress again." He finished with a sly grin and a little wink.

Cristina stood there now uncomfortable and feeling like a piece of eye candy while Owen could feel his blood boiling and was about to unleash a huge amount of rage on Dr Russell before the patient started crashing again.


	5. I Hate This Part Right HerePt 2

They had stabilized the patient again but the odds of him recovering were slim to none, they needed to find his next of kin so someone would be at the hospital incase he crashed and coded again. Cristina had rushed to the locker room and changed as quick as possible, this proved to be difficult because her scrubs seemed to have shrunk, once they were comfortable and fit loosely around her body giving her room to breathe, and now it seemed like overnight they had become tight and constricting. She noticed that the v-neck from her scrub top even showed the top of her cleavage and she had not time to turn around and put on an undershirt for the sake of being modest.

Owen was livid, and he made sure that every person who he crossed paths with was aware of it. He could tell Emma was annoyed with him and was eyeing his every move suspiciously and in disbelief. As soon as the patient stabilized Dr. Russell had left in a hurry to attend to another patient so Owen had no opportunity to give him a piece of his mind, I'll just wait till he comes back, he thought. And Alex was having a great time watching this awkward and entertaining scene unfold, so much so that, he decided to add more fuel to the fire. Just as he was about to say something to send Owen off the deep end, he beat him to the punch.

"So, how long has that been going on?" he eyed Alex with irritation very evident in his voice and demeanor.

Alex was writing information on the patients chart while Owen was monitoring his vitals. That question sent Emma over the edge, she was already pissed off at Owens behavior and how that women still seemed to mesmerize him, she abruptly left the room without a word.

"Your girlfriend is getting irritated." Alex replied

"She's Not my girlfriend." Owen answered quickly "Now answer the question." He replied with his stern and loud military voice.

"I don't know, all I know is he dropped her off the morning after the fundraiser, I heard some mumbling about "I can't believe he chose a women he just met over having drinks with you", and "I can't believe he didn't run after you" and then I heard some laughing and him say "a women like you would be enough for any man." And since then they have been inseparable" Alex said while gesturing with pen in hand and shaking his head feeling pseudo-sorry for Owen.

"She told me to move on, she broke up with me, she practically pushed me into her arms!" Owen spat out his voice rising with every word. Alex shook his head and replied, "All I'm saying is that they stay up all night talking and laughing, its really annoying, they are very loud when they have a couple drinks in them, I would almost prefer that they were in her room getting it on then in my kitchen making a mess and inhibiting my sleep" he scoffed in mild irritation.

"Do…Do you think they have already slept together?" Owen asked fear evident in his voice and face. Alex could tell his comment had stung real bad and he had to make sure he chose his words wisely for the mere fact that he didn't want Owen to punch him in the face.

"Have you and Emma slept together?" Alex replied with a raised eyebrow as his curiosity took over.

"No, we've only been out for drinks a couple times." He answered

"Dude, she's personally delivering meals for you to your place of work, that women doesn't like to waste time." He laughed.

"No, they haven't made it past the kitchen from as far as I can tell." Alex started to say in answer of Owen's question about the sexual escapades of his ex-wife. Owen felt like he could begin to breathe again and his face visually softened. That is until Alex decided to play with his emotions again.

"But they did however go over his place a couple nights ago for "dinner" Alex had set down the patients chart and made air quotations at the word. "then she was on the phone with Arizona last night and I heard Cristina talking about a full length mirror over his king sized bed…. Kinky right?" Alex nodded enjoying making Owen's blood boil. "I mean who knows what he's into, S&M, bondage, he might even have a dungeon in his basement…..like that book….Fifty Shades, he might be grooming Cristina to be his submissive." his voice was playful and in mock seriousness but Alex quickly shut his mouth after he saw Owen lunging towards him.

Alex had never been happier to see Cristina Yang in his life, she entered the room with the other passenger who was in the car with Dominic Stone, the trauma patient that her ex-husbands girlfriend had helped triage into the ER . Owen quickly backed away from Alex and turned his attention to the two women in front of him. He was about to speak before Dr. Russell and Emma came barging in.

"He lost a lot of blood and his heart is very weak, he might not make it through the night." Dr. Russell started to say. He turned around to face the other victim in the car crash. "Are you Bianca Stone, she's listed as his next of kin, one of the nurses had tried to contact her and has left multiple messages without a reply?" he asked

"Ugh, no I'm Mya Lewis, we've only been going out a couple weeks, this would of been our third date before the semi came and decided to cut us off at the lights" she explained

"Well do you know who Bianca Stone is and how we can reach her?" Owen asked

She scoffed, "Never met her personally, but good luck trying to find her, she's his ex-wife, he told me she left him three months ago after 10 years of marriage, apparently having a 95% conviction rating and then trying to make partner at her new law firm was more important then being a wife and giving him the baby he had been begging her for." she said with disgust.

"I mean, really? what woman doesn't want to have kids?" she asked in disbelief as every single person in the room stood their in awe holding their breathe. The room was so quiet that Cristina could hear her heart beating in her ear.

"What woman wouldn't want to have his baby?" she asked nodding towards the bed where the patient lay unresponsive. Owen turned to look at Cristina who stood there like she was seeing a ghost.

"He walks into a room and my uterus jumps up and down." Mya said while shaking her her head.

"And his wife, that selfish bitch, she ruined him, I mean I practically threw myself at him and he turned me down….said he wasn't ready to move to the next step, and all she cared about was her career, she put it before anyone or anything else." She stopped for a moment after she noticed how uncomfortable everyone in the room looked and was wondering why it seemed like they were all holding their breath. She was too focused on all the doctors and their weird behavior that she neglected to notice a shadow coming closer to the entrance of Dominic's room.

"If your waiting for her to arrive, you will be waiting for a really long time, Dominic mentioned that tonight she makes partner at her firm and they are throwing a huge party on her behalf, and If I know her at all by what I've heard, she would let him die here alone with no one to make any decisions on his behalf before she would come to this hospital and miss her precious award ceremony. She didn't care about him or love him, the love of her life is her career" Mya finished in agitation with the whole situation.

"How dare you" came a voice from the entrance of the hospital door. It was a very attractive women in her mid-thirties, dressed in an evening gown, her long mahogany hair in loose waves pinned and cascading on one side of her shoulder.

"And this must be Bianca." Alex said underneath his breath.

"I didn't love or care about him?" Bianca asked while getting closer to Mya.

"Because you would know blondie, huh?…. because you were there?" she began, pointing a finger towards the direction that Mya stood.

"I was there" she stated her voice cracking and tears starting to pool from her eyes as her gaze averted to her husband lying on the hospital bed lifeless.

"We were only dating for six months before he was deployed to Afghanistan, and I stayed loyal and true to him, I wrote him every single day for two years, and when he was discharged and came back home to me, he was a different man, a ghost, and yet I stood by his side, and when his post traumatic stress reached its breaking point and he was pointing a gun to my head ready to pull the trigger, I spent two hours talking him out of shooting me in the forehead point blank, and I spent a year in therapy trying to get over my own damn trauma. And yet, this selfish bitch your looking at right now, she stayed and picked up the broken pieces, not out of obligation but because I loved that man." Bianca was now in Mya's face and her voice was a mere minuscule away from shouting.

"And when he was diagnosed with cancer, who do you think was there every step of the way? by his bed side every single day, helping him move around the house, wiping the sweat off his forehead and cleaning up the puke from his mouth? it sure as hell wasn't you!" Bianca shouted.

"So yes, maybe I didn't cook or clean, maybe I did put a tremendous amount of value and dedication to my career, but that is what Dominic loved about me, that is why he fell in love with me! And yes, I didn't want to have a baby, but I never lied or misguided him, we made that decision together when we entered into this marriage. Now you get the hell out of my husbands room!" She demanded

"Ex-husband, he your ex-husband and I'm his girlfriend, I have every right to stay." Mya said not backing down

"No, he's my husband, we are not divorced yet, he refuses to sign the papers, and your not his girlfriend for god's sake, you haven't even slept together yet!" She said in a heap of irritation and annoyance.

"How do you know we haven't slept together yet?" Mya asked with a questioning look

"Because I know my husband." She replied confidently

"10 years of marriage and twelve years together, thats twelve birthday's, twelve anniversaries, twelve christmases and easters, I know him better then he knows himself, now get out before I call the police."

Mya made her way to the door reluctantly, and when she was out of sight, Bianca walked toward her husbands bed and pulled up a chair right in front of his side. She looked over his body and started to tremble as she let the tears flow freely. She grabbed his hand and cradled it within her own and brought it to her lips to kiss before she positioned his hand on the side of her face to caress her cheek.

"The nurse on the phone said that you might not make it through the night, but I know you will, I know you wouldn't leave me, not after what we've been through. Wh-, When I heard that voicemail, my whole world came tumbling down Dom, I couldn't breathe or think straight, and I can't be here on earth if your up there in heaven, so you can't die because if you do then I have no reason to live, Please just wake up,…. you made your point, I get it now Dominic, you always had to use drastic measures to make you point." She laughed as her tears continued to fall.

"If you can hear me and if your listening, please know that I love you with every fiber in my being and if I lose you, I will have nothing, my career means nothing, do you hear me? I thought it meant everything, I thought it was my salvation, my reason for living, but I was wrong, I was born to make you happy Dominic, I was born to love you, do not die on me…I'm sorry that it took this for me to realize the importance of our love, I'm sorry that I never put you first, but I promise if you wake up… If you wake up, I will always put you first. I promise I will move back into our house,I will give you as many babies as you want, I swear I will, I will have enough to form some sort of sports team….my vagina might be blown out by that point but hey, theres reconstructive surgery these days for that sort of thing." She was so nervous and scared to death of the thought of losing her husband that she was just rambling on now.

Cristina stood there for a minute in shock while absorbing what had just occured in this room, tears threatened to fall down her face and she mentally cursed herself. When did she suddenly become so hormonal? she thought. She was literally on the verge of a panic attack and was suddenly really hot and sweaty, she felt an uneasiness form in the pit of her stomach and bile making its way to her throat.

Owen stood there watching this woman beg for a second chance at a life with the man she loved and he couldn't help but feel sorry for her, the ache in his heart kept growing as he envisioned the sight of Cristina begging him to move back into the firehouse together and promising him that she would have his babies. He couldn't picture any other woman pregnant with his offspring, he wanted so badly to have a child that was half him and half Cristina, that baby would be so unique and beautiful and brilliant just like its mother. He thought that the past few weeks he was able to picture himself with a wife and a family that didn't involve Cristina, but he realized that he didn't want to be a husband if he wasn't Cristina's husband, and he didn't want to have a baby call him "dad" if that baby didn't refer to Cristina as "mom". He was in a no win situation and knowing that Cristina and Dr. Russell were not dating made him sick with anger and frustration.

His thoughts were interrupted when he realized Cristina was making gaging noises and holding her stomach. She ran out the room and threw up in the trash can by the nurses station. Owen was getting ready to follow her out and make sure she was okay before Jeff quickly made his way passed him and went to check on Cristina. How the hell was it that this guy was always two steps ahead of him? Owen thought.


	6. Baby, I'm Amazed By You

**Wow, i'm so happy that so many people are enjoying this story, thank you so so much for the reviews and encouragement. I have been on a writing rampage lately because I'm so depressed on the direction that Crowen is headed in, I can't believe Sandra is leaving, and I secretly hope that they would just wrap up the show after this season and spare us the pain of Owen moving on! lol Everyone wants to know if Cristina is pregnant, and you will find out eventually lol, I don't want to eliminate the element of surprise, but I'm trying to stay as close to character as I can. Keep reviewing and giving me your two cents because it does dictate to a degree what I decide to add, I just want them together so bad! And yes I will add a smut chapter soon! Thank you so much for the support, If we can't get our happy ending on the damn show then I sure as hell will give it to guys on this story! I just want to be detailed and explore the characterization. Don't mind my spelling mistakes, I don't proof read or have a beta reader, I just write and post! Also, the person who asked what Cristina's dress looked like, I will try and find the pic of the dress that I envisioned her in and post it next chapter. **

Cristina was never a religious person, maybe it was because she had to keep switching her beliefs as a kid. Her father was a devout Christian and before his death, he took little Cristina to church with him every Sunday, her mother never believed enough in anything, she believed in nothing before she met her father, then she converted to Christianity when they met, and then finally after a separation and divorce she remarried and became Jewish to appease her new husband. Science was Cristina's religion, it was the only thing In the world that was fact and true, it was the only religion that remained constant in her life so yes, she always addressed herself as a non-believer of religion and its false promises. Religion, was like a fairytale, the idea of it was beautiful and mythical but the truth about it was that it gave people false hope, for the same reason that Prince Charming and The Knight in Shinning Armor simply didn't exist in real life and the cold-hard truth that love was never enough.

It had been a whole week since Dominic Stone had been hospitalized, he was barley holding on, it was a miracle that he had made it past that first night. This man should have been dead on the spot, but he was refusing to die, refusing to give up. The whole hospital staff were intrigued and fascinated, everyone would check up on him and go and keep his wife company, the wife he was separated from but who hadn't left his beside for seven days now. This woman who was described by her husbands date as a ruthless cold-hearted bitch, …she was here at the hospital every minute of every day, by his side, holding his hand and begging him to wake up with promises of starting over and giving him everything that she denied him before his accident. She would talk about building a new home in the suburbs, because she didn't want to raise kids in the city. She told him she wanted a big deck and a playground in the backyard where their future kids would play. She explained to him she wanted to re-new their vows and have a proper wedding with friends and family since they had run off to Vegas 10 years ago and eloped. She promised him she could do it all, a family and a career. But she drew the line at housework and cooking, "We can hire a maid, baby, I mean, its not like we can't afford it?" she had said. "And besides you always used to tell me that a man who thought women belonged in the kitchen sure as hell didn't know what to do with them in the bedroom!." She had chuckled while some of the staff who were their checking in on her husband couldn't help but laugh.

He lay there unresponsive and on life support to keep him alive, they had asked her multiple times if she wanted to let him off the machines, had explained to her that he was a vegetable, had no brain function, was in a coma and would never wake up, they let her know that even if he did wake up, he wouldn't be who he once was, that he wouldn't be able to talk or walk or think for that matter, but she refused to end his life. She had faith that God wouldn't be so cruel.

The whole experience traumatized Cristina, she was standing there next to Owen, Emma and Jeff and explaining to Bianca that the best bet was to take him off of life support and affirming to her that sooner or later her husband would die and it was better to take him out of his pain and misery with his dignity in tact. She hated how similar this situation was to her own relationship with Owen, and the hospital staff seemed to be looking at the both of them with knowing eyes every time they walked into a room. She and Owen both were the victims of stares and hushed whispers for the last week now, and Cristina was beginning to question the ideas of faith and everything happening for a reason or purpose. She was highly emotional and erratic, often crying for no reason, she was so thankful for Jeff and his loyalty and friendship to her. because of the rift between Meredith and her, he had become her person, the one she told all her secrets and fears to, the one she confided in. He knew everything about her now, and she knew everything about him, their was no judgment just understanding. For the first time she was able to let go of all her fears, explain all her mistakes and talk about the pain she felt after every single traumatic event that occured in her life, and he was there to console and listen. Jeff was a man of faith, and surprisingly it didn't irritate Cristina, he believed in destiny and a higher power and suddenly she was becoming less pessimistic.

"Do you know what you would like to do?" Cristina asked somberly as she took in the painful sight of this woman sitting on a hospital chair and staring at her husbands life-less form.

"What would you do?" Bianca asked while her attention still remained on Dominic.

"Ex- Excuse me?" Cristina replied stuttering to find her wording, this whole situation felt like the world was trying to play a sick joke on her. And it didn't help that this Emma chick wouldn't leave the goddamn hospital, she didn't even work here for God's sake yet she wouldn't go back to where she came from.

"Have you ever been in love Dr. Yang?" she began, "Have you ever been married?" She moved her face to look into Cristina's eyes.

"Because I knew I loved him, I really loved him but I was IN love with being a lawyer, being the best lawyer I could be, and here I'am, the youngest man or women to make partner at my firm and I've worked on some of the most high-profile cases in the country, I've even been on TV for God's sake" She exclaimed while slowly letting go of his hand and placed it against his side. She leaned into his bed and rested her elbow on the side rail while she bunched her fingers into a fist where she rested the side of her head.

"And yet…I would give up every single accomplishment just to see his eyes flutter open, to hear him laugh again, to be able to tell him that he matters more to me." Bianca let out a long and drawn out sigh, she looked like she had aged years in the last seven days, their was a noticeable difference on her face and body, she had lost weight and her olive completion had turned pale and lifeless.

"They talk about you like your a God around here." She stated, it wasn't clear if it was a statement or a question to Cristina. "I hear things about you, this place is like high school" she scoffed, "the nurses say you're a lot like me, they gossip and find it ironic that Dominic ended up at this hospital out of all places, they compare us to each other, they say we are woven from the same cloth." She waited for Cristina to respond or give a nod or even add her two cents, but Cristina stood there in silence ready to walk out the room any moment.

Owen thought that God was playing a sick and cruel joke on him, that he had sent this patient to his hospital to mock and further break his spirit. This case had taken a huge toll on him, he wanted to badly to comfort Cristina and let her know that everything would be ok, give her reassurance and seal it with a kiss. But he wasn't allowed to do that anymore, she wasn't his anymore and he had Emma, but five years together had created habits and quirks with one another and he had found himself, multiple times, a mere second away from grabbing her, pulling her into his arms and letting her feel his love, but every time that feeling took over, he had to remember to retreat. The look on her face and in her eyes made his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach, he knew she was hurting but he couldn't do anything about it. And to make matters worse Emma was pushing him to make a commitment, get intimate and call themselves exclusive, he thought that she was afraid that Owen would stray back to Cristina so she decided to speed up their relationship and move quickly into the next steps. He mind wanted to move on, but his heart wouldn't let him.

Just as Cristina was gonna make a b-line for the door, Bianca decided to add to her statement. "Don't wait until its too late, you will spend the rest o your life wondering "what if", don't wait until he's lying on his death bed or walking down the aisle with another woman to realize that he was more important then anything you could ever achieve as a surgeon, because the day will come when you are forced to retire, and Dr. yang….he might have a wife and a family…but people like you and me….we will have…our awards." Her laugh at her own comment was painful and sarcastic. She couldn't believe her own words, Bianca was never emotional or heart-felt, she was robotic and cynical, thats what made her an amazing attorney. but something inside of her pushed the words out her mouth and into the room for everyone to hear.

Cristina felt all eyes on her and couldn't form a response, the air was thick with tension and she felt light-headed again. With tears threatening to form and run down her face, she regained her composure enough so she didn't lose her dignity in front of Emma and Owen and walked out the room without a single word spoken.

"It's you… isn't it" Bianca declared as her gaze shifted to Dr. Russell.

"your the guy, the ex-husband." She clarified, "The way you look at her, its how Dominic used to look at me." She gave him a knowing look and continued with her observation. "You better go after her, and comfort her before another guy swoops in and takes your place." Her gaze turned and her eyes averted to Owen. She was still speaking to Jeff but was looking Owen directly in the eyes. "You might not be the only one after her heart." She nodded to Owen as to silently address her observation, she Knew that it was Chief Hunt who was Dr. Yang's ex, the hospital staff couldn't stop talking about the couple and the two other doctors vying for their attention. So she decided to give Dr. Hunt a little push.

Dr. Russell smiled while he cradled Dominic's chart with both hands crossed holding it to his chest. He was about to make his way to the door but before he left he turned and looked at Owen. "If I was lucky enough to put a ring on Dr. Yang's finger, I would never allow her to take it off, or let her leave." He replied with a smile forming at the curve of his lips and a twinkle in his eyes. And with that he exited the room.

Cristina had never relied on faith, yet here she was walking into the hospital Chapel and kneeling with her hands intwined together resting on the bench and her head resting on her hands in prayer position. She didn't know what possessed her to enter into this room, she didn't even remember how to pray, she didn't know what to say or what to do, yet her feet kept moving until she reached this place. She sat their silent for what felt like hours, trying to arrange and untangle her thoughts and feelings, She physically had felt like hell the last come weeks and she was emotionally exhausted, her heart ached every time she saw Owen and Emma together, she was so touchy-feyly with him and that made her blood boil, she was always around, every corner she turned, Emma was their making her presence known and acting all lovey-dovey toward Owen. It was sickening. It hurt like hell. How had he forgot about her so quickly and moved on so fast? He seemed to be fine,completely over Cristina, she had to remind herself that they were once together, happy and married because he seemed like a ghost, or a stranger now.

"I don't know how to pray, I feel silly and stupid for coming here, I don't even believe in your existence,… but if you do exist, If their is a such thing as "God", then please do everything in your power to save Dominic. Please don't let him die….I don't want him to die…" She started sobbing and let the tears flow freely knowing she was alone in an empty chapel. She didn't know if she was addressing just Dominic or if she was pleading with God for Owen. She remembered when she had once told him that she didn't want him to die, didn't want him to go back to war, that was so so long ago, it felt like another life.

Owen was looking everywhere for Cristina but couldn't find her anywhere, he had tried all the on-call rooms and her office but she was nowhere to be found. He wanted so badly to get a moment with her alone. To talk to her without interference but they had both been avoiding each other for a month now. Both of them being too stubborn to be the first to let down their guard and show emotion to each other. It was getting a little out of hand now he didn't want this to drag out, he didn't want the both of them to move on with other people and get engaged and married and then all of a sudden realize that Cristina and him were meant to be. They needed each other, and he wanted to skip those painful steps, he didn't want to see himself in a couple years married to someone else and Cristina show up and tell him that she wanted him back. Because Owen knew that in a split second he would say yes and abandon the other woman. After looking for her for what seemed to be like hours, he finally stopped and went to attend to other patients.

Emma had dragged Owen out the hospital and they were eating dinner at a fancy restaurant trying to make small talk, but she was having a full conversation with herself since Owen was currently stationed on another planet. She was getting agitated very quickly and was trying to make it apparent to Owen, but he was oblivious to it.

Owen was replaying the intimate moment that he and some of his attending's witnessed between Cristina and Dr. Russell. Though the whole scene was meant to be funny and melodramatic since Jeff seemed to be a guy of jokes and light-heartedness, he always made light of situations and was smiling, or smirking at Cristina, which Owen despised.

April Kepner had changed the radio station that filled music throughout the hospital to a station playing mushy love songs, and the sounds seemed to play louder as she probably increased the volume as well. Owen and Emma were making their way towards the nurses station when they saw Cristina leaning on the counter filling out a chart. Karev and Jo were standing close by trying to have a conversation but kept getting annoyed over the loud radio blaring.

"Who the hell changed the radio station to play this crap?" Alex looked around in annoyance and tried to find the culprit. April looked up from the desk she was sitting and smiled proudly.

"I did!" She explained, "don't you like it?", "Its romantic and lifts peoples spirits." her high pitch resonated through the nurses station.

"Its annoying and these love songs are stupid." He gestured to the ceiling as if to make the music stop. Just then Jeff had come around the corner and heard the tail end of the conversation. He made his way past Karev to Cristina and decided to make light of the sappy song blaring into everyone ears by singing along to it with an over-dramaticization and his eyes gleaming with mischief as he made Cristina blush who was clearly embarrassed by his antics even though they were in good fun. He stood in front of her and grabbed her hand while he attempted to serenade her.

The smell of your skin,

The taste of your kiss,

The way you whisper in the dark.

Your hair all around me,

Baby you surround me

Touch every place in my heart

And it feels like the first time

Every time.

I want to spend the whole night

In your eyes

He wanted to make sure that people knew he was joking, but he also wanted to make it aware to Owen that he had some competition. When he finished the last verse he heard a couple whistles and howls from the hospital staff in the background who had witnessed the scene. He had grabbed Cristina by the waist and was looking her directly in the eyes as if he were getting ready to lean in and kiss her, instead he erupted into a fit of laughter and gave her a quick hug to eliminate her discomfort. He could tell Owen was ready to pounce, as he did nothing to mask his anger.

Owen returned back to earth from his daydreaming only when his pager and phone began to ring simultaneously. He answered the call, and when the person on the phone started talking, his whole world started spinning.


	7. We're Not Broken, We're Just Bent

They say that in the beginning of the end, the last few moments before a person takes their last breath, the seconds before the heart stops beating, and your eyes flutter closed for the last and final time, something happens. In an instance a person is confronted with a million images, all snapshots of the events that occurred in your life. The good, the bad and the ugly. They say that before you die, your life flashes before your eyes and in that one instance you replay all those memories and the last emotion that you end up feeling is REGRET. So you take that last breath and exit yourself from the world wondering what could of been, what would of been or what should of been. No matter how much we tell ourselves never to have regrets, we cannot escape the feeling of wanting to go back in time and change the course of our lives, be it a decision we made, change a circumstance, say 'yes' when we were too cowardly and opted for 'no', chase after what we wanted instead of accepting defeat or fight for what we had instead of letting it go. When your on your death bed all you can do is accept the regret and be plagued by it even in your very last moments alive and hope that in another life you can right all of the wrongs you made. But the future is much brighter for the people who have near death experiences or traumatic events occur to them, because just as if they were dying, all those emotions overcome them, and they are also haunted by the burden of regret, but unlike the others, they have a second chance, an opportunity to reincarnate themselves in this life... Without having to wait to be reborn again.

Owen felt his life flash before his eyes as he picked up the frantic call from April Kepner, his mind tried to comprehend the information she was giving him but everything around him stood still. The room was spinning and His heart stopped beating. The shock and disbelief only fueled by the slideshow of snapshots of his life replaying in his mind, one image after another. They started with him as a boy, then him as a teenager, him as a young adult, then they moved to visions of the before and then the after. Finally Cristina surfaced, first at their introduction, helping him staple his leg, him removing her icicle, reaching for the drapes and turning around to kiss her, single malt scotch, " I don't need you" while I corner you to a wall and kiss you. " "I think your beautiful", " anything can happen on the vent", his mind went through the visions rapidly while his heart pounded in his ears and his lungs lost the ability to breathe. You accept that its over, you try to move on, you push back any feelings or emotions. You think your happy, you try to rationalize your actions and try to tell yourself that its for the best. You ingrain it in your mind that it wasn't meant to be, it was toxic and complicated and chaotic and you needed simple and easy. You needed vanilla, and Cristina was anything but that. How ironic is life and how complex are the human emotions when months of work put into moving on could be undone with just a few words. How could your life change in the blink of an eye? One minute your just living your life and then the next you realize that you wouldn't be able to live without them and that the mere thought of that other person not existing in your world was enough for you to jump off a bridge or hold a gun to your mouth in order to join them on the other side.

Why was life so cruel and unfair? Why was love not enough? How could two people so in love with eachother be so destructive to one another? Why couldn't they want the same things? Why couldn't she want a baby? Why couldn't he live without a family? Why was having kids such a huge part of what it means to be alive to him? And why was she so adamant that she didn't need a baby to have a full and complete life? In that moment all these questions took a backseat when Owen realized that he had never known a life with kids so he could never miss not having something he never experienced, he could only imagine what it would be like. But he had experienced loving Cristina and her presence in his life, and the thought of her being absent from his world was enough for him to offer his soul to the devil in exchange for her life.

Cristina was in the OR in the middle of performing a heart transplant when she started feeling queasy, light headed and nauseous, she tried to take deep breathes and stretch her neck from side to side In hopes Of calming her down, she let her eyes flutter closed for a few seconds and remained still until she received questioning looks for her assistant residents and the Scrub nurses. She quickly tried to shake off the feeling and resume with the procedure. She kept feeling her pulse quicken and sweat starting to form on her forehead, she realized this was a bad sign since it was freezing in the room, still trying to remain calm and act accordingly she continued to operate until she felt a twinge of pain shoot through her abdomen and an inability to catch her breath. Before she collapsed on the floor she whispered ' I'm going to faint' and with that she fell to the ground and Shane rushed to her side. Their was so much commotion and too much noise with everyone trying to talk above everyone else, Cristina drifted off into a deep sleep as the OR staff rushed franticly to attend to her lifeless form.

"What the hell happened?" Owen didn't even recognize his own voice. He eyed Cristina who was still unconscious and hurriedly made his way to her bedside. He immediately reached for her hand and gave it a tight squeeze before dipping his head and grabbing her face with his free hand, gently carresing her cheek and jawline. " We were finishing a transplant when she started acting weird, she began to sweat and was unusually distracted during the surgery, ... She collapsed before anyone knew what was going on." Shane answered while they hooked Cristina up to a monitor and IV. 'Cristina, baby, your gonna be ok, we're gonna find out what's wrong and I'm Gonna take care of you... You hear me sweetie? Your gonna be ok". Owen tried to keep his voice from cracking but it was getting hard not to show emotion. "He's soooo not ready to move on" April whispered to Callie who nodded in agreement. "You think?... He dropped everything he was doing and made it to the hospital in like a split second" she whispered back. " Don't worry Owen, she's probably just exhausted or maybe she hasn't been eating enough to withstand all the extra work she's been doing around here, don't get worked up, she'll be fine". Callie tried her best to reassure a somber looking Owen who was obviously panick stricken and the look in his eyes screamed fear and hurt. "you really cant help who you love" Callie thought as she watched Owen take care of Cristina.

Bailey made her way into Cristina's room frantically and assessed the scene in front of her. " what happened?" She asked eying the situation and trying to figure out her prognosis. Shane started filling her in while Callie and April examined Cristina. Bailey kept rummaging through her head trying to figure out what caused Cristina to faint, she started talking to herself out loud, verbally expressing the thoughts in her head unintentionally. "The last time Cristina Yang fainted...the last time she... Oh my God... She's having another ectopic pregnancy" she shrieked at the realization with panick written all over her face.


	8. You Make Me Sick

Owen stood there in utter shock and disbelief along with the other people in the room. "no, no no…..Cristina is NOT pregnant" he shook his head to add emphasis and pointed a finger to Bailey. "The last time she fainted, she whispered to Izzie Stevens and me that she WAS pregnant, Chief Hunt" She said snidely, "Stop looking at me like that and call an O.B. to rule it out because if this is another ectopic pregnancy she's gonna need surgery and depending how far along she is, it could be life threatening". She scolded and impatiently waited for Owen to make the call before she took matters into her own hands and paged obstetrics.

Pregnant? NOOOOOO…Owen thought how could this be? She's gonna freak….., oh God, …..she's gonna have another abortion….ANOTHER ABORTION! …..Why the hell is this happening again? She doesn't want to have a baby…she didn't want one two years ago and she sure as hell doesn't want one now since she broke up with me because of our different views on parenthood. Why is she fertile myrtle when she has no desire to be a mother? While others try for years to get pregnant who want a baby so damn bad but can't conceive…..What a cruel world it is…..Wait a minute…..How could she be pregnant….when did she get pregnant?…..Who the hell fathered this baby? no…no…. there was no baby….she wasn't sleeping with anyone….right?

Owen surveyed the room and noticed that everyone seemed to be thinking the same thing as him, April and Callie did a horrible job at disguising their shock and were at a loss of what to say.

"Pregnant? ….really?" Shane looked at Bailey with a disappointed look on his face.  
"What is it with all you interns and your infatuation with the attendings?" Bailey asked in astonishment, while Shane gave her a confused look. "Don't act like I don't know….you and your puppy dog eyes always staring at her like she's the answer to all your hopes and dreams." Disgusted with his disgust at the thought of Cristina being pregnant, Bailey couldn't help but chastise Shane a bit.  
"What?" Owen asked, his gaze shifting between Bailey and Shane.  
"Get out". Owen demanded while glaring at Shane. When he hesitated to move, Owen continued…"Get out now for the love of God before I ….." Shane disappeared before Owen got his whole sentence out.

"I just paged "911" to the head of the O.B department". Callie announced, "So did I" April added.  
"Well, if its not a pregnancy what else could it be? hypotension?, arrhythmia?, stress?" Owen ran down a list of things that could of caused her to faint. "blood pressure looks like its elevating." April added. Owen was becoming more and more fearful as the minutes trickled down, it seemed like forever but in reality Dr. Getzinger only took a few minutes to enter the room.

Owen held his breath as Dr. Getzinger entered the room with an ultrasound machine.  
"Ok, lets see if there is a baby in there first before we assume its an ectopic pregnancy" Callie announced to the room while giving Owen a reassuring look.  
"Someone get me up to speed please". Dr. Getzinger asked while he hurriedly set up the monitor and hooked up the machine.  
"34 years old, suffered an ectopic pregnancy at 28 which resulted in surgery and a loss of a fallopian tube". Bailey informed  
"Any children or other pregnancies?" He asked as he looked around the room for someone to answer  
Owen reluctantly opened his mouth to speak when he realized everyone in the room was waiting for him to answer the question.  
"ugh….she had an abortion two years ago." Owen answered reluctantly.  
"Wow….do you kids these days use birth control anymore?, your doctors for gods sake." He scoffed while shaking his head. He noticed the icy stare Owen gave him and quickly apologized. "uhhhhh….Chief…I didn't mean it like that…" He tried to redeem himself. "Just do your job and figure out whats wrong" Everyone in the room was on pins and needles as the O.B. made his way to Cristina and gently lifted her shirt. Owen let go of her hand for the first time since he had entered the exam room and made his way to the far end of the wall leaning against it with his hands crossed across his chest in anticipation. He was so nervous and fidgety that he couldn't even look at the monitor.

Dr. Getzinger applied the cold gel to the slight curve of her stomach and then proceeded to move the wand around her abdomen in search of a fetus. Owen still kept his eyes closed hoping that this whole scene was a dream or a hallucination. He just couldn't cope with the possibility of her being pregnant again. This would literally kill him, break him, and open the wounds in his heart and soul that were still so fresh and painful, it would be just like throwing salt all over his unhealed scars. He wouldn't survive another pregnancy…another abortion…that would undoubltey come right after….she had made it perfectly clear, she didn't want a baby, didn't need a baby, she was content in breaking them apart in order for her to be set free and feel no remorse or regret about denying him his chance of a family. She said she loved him too much to be the reason why he couldn't live out his dreams, their was no middle ground between them because neither of them could budge. He wanted to be a father and she wanted nothing to do with being a mother.  
The room that was so chaotic and filled with commotion a little while ago now was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. Everyone in the room looked eagerly at the monitor in anticipation of what it would or would not show. Everyone except for Owen who was so caught up in his own thoughts that he momentarily forget just where he was until he heard a small muffled sound that made his stomach drop to the floor. The sound of a galloping horse resonated through the entire room as every person let out loud and exaggerated gasps.  
His breath caught in his throat and it took every fiber in his being to find the strength to open his eyes and be confronted with what he already knew existed. Upon examining the monitor Dr. Getzinger let out a huge sigh of relief.  
"Its not ectopic, the fetus looks about 11 weeks". He continued to move the wand over her belly, "oh….." he exclaimed with a shocked look on his face. Owen snapped out of his state of shock when he heard the tone in Dr. Getzinger's voice.  
"Wh- Whats wrong?" He hurriedly moved back next to Cristina's side and examined the monitor.  
"Everyone shut up for a second, try not to make any sounds please." He instructed the room which had been filled with gasps and whispers seconds before.  
After a moment of silence and manipulating the ultra sound wand over her belly his initial prediction was confirmed when a second galloping horse filled the room in unison.  
"You've got to be kidding me?" Owen shouted at the top of his lungs as both his hands reached on either side of his temples. "This is NOT happening." He turned to Callie and looked her in the eyes.  
"This cannot happen again". His voice was now cracking as a small flow of tears began to trickle down his face. Callie quickly made her way to Owen and put her arms around him trying to comfort him in any way she could.  
"Its ok….everything will be ok". she whispered, but she couldn't even add enough conviction to make it sound true. If the first pregnancy broke him then this one was gonna kill Owen.

Cristina's head was pounding and she could vaguely hear muffled noises as she started to regain consciousness. Slowly after several attempted tries her eyes fluttered open to see a room full of doctors and the realization that she was laying on a hospital bed slowly started to resonate with her. She felt a coldness on her stomach and a device moving around it. She didn't understand how or why but her attention immediately turned to the monitor and the sounds that her belly was making. Everyone attention seemed to be on Owen and Callie hugging it out on the side of the room that no one noticed that Cristina was coming to.  
Slowly realization hit Cristina, fatigue, throwing up, dizziness, swollen boobs, weight gain, change in appetite, then the fainting. Oh my God, she thought, "I'm pregnant"

"I'm pregnant?!" she screeched and halted upright while everyones attention negated back to her. She looked frantically around the room waiting for someone to speak, she tried so hard not to look at Owen but she couldn't help herself. She searched his eyes for some understanding or answer to her question. His blue eyes bore into her soul and she could instantly read every emotion that crossed his mind.

"Yeah,…. Yeah Cristina, your pregnant….AGAIN" Owen's voice raised with every word he spat out. "you do realize that you could prevent being a baby killer by either keeping your legs closed or using birth control….I mean…for God's sake does the father of your twins even know that your just gonna abort your pregnancy without giving him any consideration, do you even know who the father is?" He was pacing back and forth the corridors of the room and his voice didn't fail to attract curious listeners and passerby's. Then realization hit him, "Dr. Russell" he said aloud with fasciation as if he'd solved a puzzle or hard equation. "You and Jeff Russell", he repeated in astonishment. "We will see how long your rebound lasts after he realizes that your inhuman, incapable of human emotions and human feelings, he will leave you when he realizes that you are incapable of loving a LIVING, BREATHING HUMAN BEING OVER YOUR PRECIOUS SURGICAL CAREER". Owen was screaming at her now and unshamelessly let tears flow freely down his face. He was visibly shaken by his own words and demeanor and was clearly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He didn't allow anyone time to respond or butt in, he quickly gave Cristina one last disgusted look and barged out the room.


	9. My Baby You

Who ever coined the term 'sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt', must have had ice running down their veins because the tongue is as a two edged sword, it holds the ability to cause so much damage, so much destruction and an indescribable pain, an injury far worse then the physical, words have the power to heal, yes they do... But when used in vain, words can slice and dice like a butchers knife. Physical wounds have the ability to mend even though they might leave a scar, but once words are spoken, they can never be forgotten, only forgiven.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"  
"Stop patronizing me, yes I'm sure, you don't have to come with me if you don't want to, if your uncomfortable then I can do it by myself, but you really need to quit trying to play devils advocate"

"I'm not trying to play devils advocate, I'm trying to figure out if your doing this because you truly want to or if your going through with this to hurt him the way he hurt you, don't make life changing decisions when your judgment is clouded, and please don't act like your just going to the store and returning something you don't want because once you do this you can't undue it, you can't take it back and you need to remember its two lives your carrying, not just one, it's a miracle really, I mean you only have one freaken tube and somehow you have no trouble getting pregnant, when something is meant to be, meant to happen, no matter how hard we try to deviate from it or steer clear of it, we cannot escape from it, so, maybe you don't want to be a mother, but maybe it's not about what you want, maybe you didn't choose to want this, but they are choosing you, you were meant to be a mother"  
"You are getting all religious on me again, I don't believe in destiny or fate, I believe in science, and you talking like this, mixed with my pregnancy hormones are the ones clouding my judgment."

Cristina and Jeff were walking through the hospital from the cardio wing, into an elevator and making their way to the O.B department, she had an appointment scheduled for 2:30 and they were already running a little late.  
The last couple of days had been filled with hurt and anger, not to mention the tears and sobs that wouldn't stop flowing from her eyes and the back of her throat. She was publicly humiliated in front of her friends, who were also her co-workers. The whole damn hospital had heard about Owens rage and the things he said in his moment of insanity. Those words, the look in his eyes and the pain in his voice had haunted her day in and day out, he had left her there, in a room full of her peers, dumbfounded and in complete shambles. He made no attempt to seek her out or apologize, instead he ignored her, made sure to avoid her at all costs, he even took a sick day off, he wasn't even sick.

Jeff was doing everything in his power to make Cristina change her mind, he had a horrible feeling that if he let her go through with this abortion that she would regret it later, when it was too late to do anything about the circumstance or take it back. Initially he felt like he was stabbed in the heart when he found out she was pregnant, and it obviously wasn't his, for some reason he had a vivid fantasy that she would slowly but surly fall for him, maybe even make him a father one day. Sure, they spent more hours together at work and out of work then any real life couple, and they understood eachother so well, they had a connection that was hard to deny, but it was evident that he had been pushed in the 'friend zone'. She still was sulking over Owen, and even though they had ample opportunities when they were alone, drinking, and laughing, even though she knew he had moved on with another woman, she still never tried to initiate anything more then a purely platonic relationship with Jeff.  
To say it didn't hurt a little bit would be a lie but he mustered up the strength to put his feelings for her aside in order to be the rock she needed him to be.  
"Cristina, I know you felt a little regret after your previous abortion, don't forget I overheard you pour your heart out to Meredith at the bar, you clearly had second thoughts, and right now your getting a second chance, don't miss out on this opportunity, I know your hate Owen right now, I know he was a complete pompous jackass, but please don't get an abortion just to spite him and get back at him"  
"I can't have twins and be a single parent, I can't handle that responsibility, not when I want to be the best surgeon this place has ever seen, that's who I'am, a surgeon, and now that Owen has a girlfriend, and he thinks I'm a monster, he won't want anything to do with these babies, which is irrelevant I guess cos I want nothing to do with him either"  
"I will help you, I will be there for you, every single step of the way."  
"I can't ask you to do that."  
"Your not asking me, I'm offering, please, this might be the only chance I get to experience being a father, or the cool uncle?"

Their conversation and appointment was disrupted when both pagers simultaneously began beeping. "911, Dominic Stone." Cristina sighed, "great, I guess I'm not gonna make my appointment after all."

Cristina thought she had seen her share of grief and sadness but nothing amounted to the pain and  
anguish that echoed throughout the hospital when she was forced to call time of death. The look on Bianca's eyes, the sight of her body shaking uncontrollably and the tears that wouldn't stop falling, the scene of her collapsing on Dominic's lifeless body, begging him, pleading with him to come back to her, that moment was more then heart breaking, it felt like she was being tortured, like her soul was being mutilated, all she wanted was a second chance, and she was denied it in such a heartless and unfair way. She had seen many families in the state of mourning and grief, but nothing shook her like this case had. She was sure that Bianca's screams would be ingrained in her mind forever.

Bianca never got the opportunity for a second chance with her husband, he died not knowing that she still loved him, that she regretted asking for a divorce, he never got the opportunity to wake up and realize that she was there, by his side, holding his hand and not giving up on him. But most importantly he died without the opportunity for her to tell him that she loved him, more then her career and enough to give him what he always wanted, something she had denied him previously, a family. He died, and she never got to tell him, and now, he will never know that he mattered enough to her that she would put him before anything else, that she was willing to sacrifice her career for her love for him, he died without knowing, and now she is left here, alive, and full of regret.

It was at this moment that Cristina decided that she needed to make a sacrifice in order to not live in regret, and not hate herself in the future, she owed it to herself, and to Bianca, but most of all she owed it to Owen, because if god forbid the roles were reversed and if she had  
To watch Owen die before her eyes, she could never forgive herself for not letting him know that she loved him, she loved him so much that she was willing to go ahead with this pregnancy for him, so he could be a father, she was willing to become a mother, something she told herself she would never be, so she would always have a piece of him, a reminder that she once loved him and he once loved her. Bianca had nothing to remember her husband by, only memories, but at least Cristina could have a piece of Owen forever. That is what she reasoned with herself, and the mere fact that it was two, not one, how could she end two more lives? That would mean four pregnancies that didn't happen, four lives that she chose to abort, if it was one fetus, she might have found the strength to terminate it, though she contemplated her ability to do so even in that situation, especially after the Dominic Stone case, but two babies, the thought of it was sickening. The thought of having the abortion repulsed her.

There was so much commotion and people scurrying around to try and save Dominic that Owen and Cristina had no time to argue or avoid each other, in the midst of the chaos, they forgot their personal problems until they had lost the patient. It was then, when Bianca was mourning the loss of her husband and the opportunity to reconcile with him that Cristina decided that she was gonna be a mother. He was watching with tears brimming his eyes at the sight of Bianca sprawled out on the hospital bed making her grief and sorrow known to everyone unapologetically. That is when Cristina turned to face him.

"Congratulations, your gonna be a daddy."


	10. My Baby is Having a Baby

She tried really hard to hold it In, she pursed her lips together in an attempt to prevent any words from spilling out of her mouth unintentionally, but in the end no amount of self restraint could stop the words from exiting her mouth. There was no better time to let him know, it's not like they were even together and she could plan a romantic way to tell him, after all she had not only denied him the opportunity to be a dad before but she had also aborted a child that was already conceived. She had the courage right then and there to let him know and she was afraid that if she didn't say it now, that she would never find the perfect opportunity to do so again. Though she was still riding the waves of her recent heartache and humiliation caused at the hands of this man, she reasoned that it was the right thing to do. ( And she might have wanted to prove him to be a hypocrite to everyone who had witnessed his rampage).

The truth was that she did want to hurt him, she wanted to make him feel the pain and turmoil that was bottled up inside of her, not just repay him for the harsh words that escaped his lips after finding out about her impending pregnancy, but she also wanted to cause a rift in his new relationship. First she contemplated abortion as a means to drive the knife harder into the wound, she planned on telling him they were his right before she went in for her appointment, but Jeff had reasoned with her and helped her not to make life-changing decisions based on hurt and anger, and of course not to get an abortion as a means of getting back at someone.

Two was one too many that she was comfortable with aborting, she couldn't will herself to do it, and in a split second she had made up her mind that she was keeping them, she didn't want to be like Bianca, it would of killed her. And she knew that this would hurt Owen more, and deep down she wanted to cause irrevocable damage to his relationship with Emma, she was so sick and tired of being treated like she and Owen never existed, that they were never married, that they were never in love with each other. He seemed to think that their relationship meant so little and was so irrelevant that he chose to deny its existence, well this would make him confront what he so adamantly tried to deny or erase.  
She took a deep breath and turned to give him a sideways glance, her hands were intertwined behind her back and she fought the constant fidgeting her feet were prone to doing.

"Congratulations, your going to be a daddy." Her tone was a mix of sarcasm and mock-seriousness. She planned on turning abruptly and walking away, leaving him with no room to respond or time to adjust to the news- she didn't want to be there and witness him putting the pieces of the puzzle together, she would of rather walked away and let him register the news by himself and then let him sulk in his stupidity.

But she couldn't will herself to walk away, not when she caught sight of the look in his eyes. It would stand to be a moment in time that she would remember until the day she died, the raw emotion and realization that he was able to convey in a split second- confusion, realization, shock, amazement and then with a disbelieving sigh- there was that look- like the clouds were parting and the heavens were singing, it was complete and utter elation, and love, not just any feeling of love, he looked at her like she was the creator of heaven and earth, like she was carrying the messiah, or like she had just saved his immortal soul.

That night, the break-up sex that he had initiated had in return created two tiny lives. Owen couldn't catch his breath enough to steady his heart, as he dissected what she had just said and as her words resonated in his head, the realization of what she had just conveyed to him almost sent him over the edge, his mind tried hurriedly to take in the new information and process it as quickly  
As possible while his heart was way ahead of him- it already knew what she meant- as soon as that last word  
escaped those beautiful lips, he felt as though he was dead and brought back to life, his whole body felt a shock of electrocution and he began to move on autopilot.

Owen had no control over his body as he gave her one last heart breaking and heart melting look before closing the gap between them. He stood a mere inch away from her, there noses lightly touching, and there eyes unable to break contact. She swore she could feel his heart beating from his chest even through his ragged deep breaths. He slowly brought his hands up to her face, grazing the sides while outlining her jawbone, he kept eye contact desperately trying to convey what he couldn't with words- with his eyes-he inched his face closer and placed a kiss on her forehead, before uttering a "thank you." He let his lips linger there for a moment before moving to his her eyelid, " thank you." and then he gently placed another tender kiss on her other eye. "Thank you." He continued to shower her with these painfully tender and excruciatingly slow kisses, he made his way to her left cheek before showing the same attention to her right one, and then he gave her nose a little peck before he attempted to show her with a kiss, what he felt with every fiber in his being.

He started off with a peck, so light and airy, she didn't even know for sure that their lips had made contact. Owen searched her eyes again before giving her another one, and then another one. Slowly he dived his head in for another kiss, but this time he sandwiched his lips between her full bottom lip and sucked on it slowly before ravaging her whole mouth with his. His hands moved from her face and reached down to grab her by the waist. He pushed her into him as hard as he could and almost passed out with sheer happiness and an overwhelming sense of joy when he felt the small curve of her protruding belly against his stomach. Another reminder that this was real life this time, which was hard to comprehend since he had given up hope of this dream ever being fulfilled.  
Cristina couldn't help but snake her hands around his neck and pull him closer into her, and when he slid his tongue between her lips to deepen an already passionate kiss- she couldn't help but grant him entry, as she used one hand to bury in his hair and close any gap that threatened to come between them. How could one kiss wipe away all the pain and anger she felt toward him? How could this one embrace make her feel whole and loved again? How was it possible that he was able to breathe new life into her with his small sweet gestures?

He couldn't stop kissing her, he didn't care if he couldn't breathe or he lost all oxygen to his brain, he would pass out on cloud nine and he was fine with it. He wanted nothing more then to make this moment last forever, he was still in disbelief, but he remembered the words she had spoken and knew that her mind was made up, she wouldn't have congratulated his impending fatherhood if she hadn't decided to keep the babies... His babies..her babies... Their babies... He couldn't clasp the concept as of yet.

He reluctantly gave her mouth a break to make way for the kisses he started to shower her with on her neck, moving from side to side at a faster more forceable pace then before, his mouth then moved to give her soft love bites at the curve of her heaving chest, right where her cleavage had grown accustomed to sneaking out.  
He nuzzled his face there for a minute before he slowly dropped down to his knees and laid his hands on either side of her hips.

Finally, he gave two butterfly Kisses on the center of her belly. He knew that they were right outside Dominic Stones' room and that the hallway was busy with passerby's but he couldn't care less. He wanted to savor this moment forever and engrave it in his mind so he would never be able to forget this feeling, he wished time stood still right then and there and he could remain wrapped around Cristina and the two lives they had created together forever.

Owen moved one of his hands so his palm laid flat against her rounded tummy and brought his face close to give another kiss to his unborn children, " I already love you, I already love the two of you more then anything in this world." He uttered as his voice cracked with an overwhelming amount of emotion. "And your mother, I didn't think I could love her more then I already had" he whispered as he mindlessly started rubbing her belly in the sweetest way. "But knowing that her body is creating two lives, that she is growing you two in her stomach, knowing that the two of you will be a product of our love and be a combination of our genes, something that is apart of her and apart of me, that makes my love for her reach a whole new level." His eyes were already glassy before, but now he was releasing sporadic tears as he tried to keep his voice even . He grabbed Cristina's hand and brushed it against his cheek before bringing it to his mouth to kiss. He looked up at her directly in the eyes and smiled before he said,

"I dreamed about the day when our love making wouldn't just be geared to show each other how much we love one another or as a means of a physical release of the passion we shared, sometimes when we were having sex I would imagine a time when our bodies would come together to form new life, to create a miracle that was half you and half me, god, I would even imagine what it would be like to have a little Cristina fill the firehouse with her small footsteps, I would imagine her inheriting you hair and my eyes, she was the ideal version of perfection in my mind because we made her together. And now I don't have to dream anymore because for the first time in my life, my reality is so much better then anything I could ever dream up." The amazement was still very evident in his voice, he hoped that his words were doing justice to the feeling of completeness in his heart, Owen wanted to try his hardest to put into words the gratitude he felt for the gift Cristina had just given him.

"I will spend the rest of my life worshipping the ground you walk on, I promise that I will make everything up to you Cristina, I will make it right." He finished as he searched her eyes in hopes of reading what she was feeling.  
Cristina blamed it on the hormones, but all she wanted to do was grab him by the hands and pick him off his knees and sink into his embrace, and just stay there, in his arms forever. God, she hated that pregnancy was making her emotional and soft.  
" Of course you will." She stared, as he got up. "because I'm not only carrying one of your children, but two of them, do you have any idea what I'm gonna put my body through to give birth to your beastly babies." There was a hint of laughter in her voice and a small spark in her eyes before she turned serious.  
"I'm kidding Owen, I know your in a relationship with Emma, I don't want to come between you two, I can take care of myself and I can take care of these babies too, I'm not asking you to be involved, I know you moved on, and I know I asked you to, so no hard feelings, I let you go so you could find someone to love and have a family with, and I think you found her, and I can tell that you care for her, I mean you seem to have forgot about our relationship in the blink of an eye, you didn't even mention to her that we were married, I was such an insignificant part of your past that you don't have to feel an obligation to me." She sighed, " I"ll be fine,".

Speaking of the devil herself, Emma emerged from down the hallway and made her way towards Owen and Cristina, completely oblivious to the fact that her boyfriend was having twins with his ex-wife, who broke up with him because he wanted kids and she didn't. oh the irony in this whole situation.

She sensed tension in the air as both the two people standing in front of her were acting awkward and weird. She momentarily wondered if she had walked in on something private and intimate.

"And this is my cue to leave." Cristina stated as she made her way past the two, much to Owens dismay who made sure to shout, "Cristina this is not over, I will talk to you in a bit." She waved a hand in the air with her back towards them as she continued to make her way down the hall. She had heard him make that statement before, yet he still had accepted that it was over then, what would make this time any different?


	11. I Want Your Sex

Cristina made her way throughout the hospital, she was craving food,, well actually, the babies needed to be fed and they wanted a hot dog, and they wanted it now! She felt famished, and she wanted to stuff her face with as much food as possible. She looked down at the slight curve of her stomach, and wished that she wouldn't gain anymore weight, she liked her teeny tiny baby bump and started to get scared as she realized that her belly was gonna grow not to accommodate just one baby, but two. The thought started to scare her, would she become mammoth? She hoped she would get a C-section because the thought of pushing two babies out her girl parts was disturbing. She cringed at the thought of pooping on a table. She wondered if anyone would find her attractive ever again? She shook her head to escape the scary thoughts.

She was on a mission to find Jeff, who had promised would help her out throughout her pregnancy. She found him filling out charts by the nurses station and hurriedly made her way towards him.

"The babies want hot dogs Jeff." She stopped right in front of him and rubbed her belly in emphasis. He let out a whole hearted laugh and nodded to her.

"Alright, if the babies want hot dogs, then I'll go get them some." He said between chuckles, "Oh, I heard you and Hunt had quite a performance a little while ago, the two of you had half the nursing staff in tears, I heard one of them say it was like a scene straight out of a movie." Jeff said while he handed his charts to a resident. "I'm glad you told him that they're his kids, maybe the glares I've been getting from the whole hospital will stop now that they know I didn't impregnate you." He gave her a knowing nod and started walking away.

"The babies want fries too." She called out as his figure started to disappear. "And a diet coke." She yelled out in hopes he heard her.

* * *

Owen was trying to find Cristina, God, these days she was so hard to track down, he thought. It was either him trying to ignore her or her trying to avoid him, it was never-ending but now it had to stop.

Since Cristina and him ended things, he had felt like he had aged ten years, and now after she revealed that she was pregnant with his children, he couldn't escape the elation and lightness in his heart. He kept having to remind himself that this was real, that this was life, it wasn't a dream that he was so accustomed to waking up from. He pinched himself again, just to make sure. Yes, this was reality, this was their reality. He tried so hard to keep composure, to keep himself strong, even though all he wanted to do was jump on top of the highest mountain and let the tears of joy flow unashamedly. Happy, couldn't even begin to crack the surface of all the emotions flooding within him, that was only the tip of the iceberg. He never imagined that the news of finding out he was going to be a father would be this significant and bring about this much joy and fulfillment to his life. Nothing could compare to this feeling, and what made this experience even better was that it was two babies, and that made his smile even wider and brighter. Thank god, he thought, because he was one hundred percent sure that Cristina would of only done this pregnancy thing once, so it was a blessing that she was pregnant with twins. Cristina, he thought, she was responsible for fulfilling his dream, he didn't know what he was thinking when he decided to try and move on, Cristina and him would never be over, and this whole situation just proved to him how true that statement was. She was the love of his life and now she was the mother of his children.

He had told Emma the situation, he couldn't lie to her, and he was so thrilled and ecstatic that Cristina was pregnant that he couldn't lie to himself and pretend he didn't love her anymore, because truth of the matter was, he loved her more with every waking minute. And Emma deserved to have someone love her life he loved Cristina, even though he was very fond of Emma, she would of always been second best to Cristina, and that wasn't fair, she needed someone who put her first, and Owen could't do it. Even if Cristina hadn't gotten pregnant accidentally, he was more sure then ever now that they would of eventually reunited, they both would of realized sooner or later that the grass wasn't greener on the other side and that they belonged together. He was just happy that it happened right now instead of a couple years down the road.

Emma was hurt, but she also didn't want to be involved in a love triangle, and she knew that the reason for their break-up was because they had different views on children, and now that Cristina was pregnant, their issues were solved, and thus she didn't have a place in his life. She had also learned that Cristina initiated the break-up, so if she would of never let him go, he would of still been with her, that was enough for her to except defeat and walk on.

Owen was still making his way around the hospital trying to spot Cristina with no avail, when Jeff Russell caught his eye coming inside the hospital with a handful of take-out bags and a cup carrier filled with beverages.

"Whatta you got there?" He heard Alex ask as he made his way towards Jeff and tried to peak into the bag.

"Nothing for you." Jeff answered sternly as he tried to shove Alex out the way. "This is for Cristina, she is having cravings and sent me out to get her hot dogs and fries, and if I let you have some of her food she will kill me and come after you." Alex made a face of mock horror before adding, "Oh, C'mon she's not gonna miss a couple fries, I'm starving too." He made his way to get closer to Jeff but was shot down once again, "I'm dealing with a very hormonal and pregnant woman, I'm not about to put my well-being in compromise." He walked past Alex and made his way to the elevator but not before Alex chimed in again, "Shouldn't the baby-daddy be making late-night food runs for the mother of his children?" He yelled as the elevator doors closed.

When Alex finally turned around, he was met with Owen's glare. Oh shit, he thought while he stammered for words. Before he could come up with something to say to save his ass, Owen shrugged his shoulders and sighed in defeat, "You're right, I should be the one waiting on Cristina hand and foot, and I will be. I just need to find her and let her know that I still love her and I wanna us to be a family." He brought his hand up to rub his temples, as if trying to figure out his course of action.

"Well before you go back to your pregnant wife, you need to get rid of your girlfriend first." Alex straightened his posture and folded his arms across his chest in an accusatory tone. He didn't realize how protective he actually was over Cristina until now.

Ouch, that stung Owen, He hated the mess he had got himself into and wanted to make it better, but he also knew that it was not all his fault. They both played a role in the demise of their relationship, and if it was not for Cristina pushing him to move on, he would of never made that move, even after he met Emma, he didn't plan on even engaging her conversation until he looked across the room and noticed Cristina sipping on wine, giggling like a school girl and rubbing some random guys arm suggestively. It was then and there, out of jealously and spitefulness that he decided to turn his attention over to Emma, she clearly was having no problem moving on, so why should he?

"Thats already been taken care of Alex, I never stopped loving Cristina, she broke up with me, and then asked me to move on, but even then I made sure to let her know that she would always be the love of my life, and I would never love another woman like I loved her." The determination evident in his voice along with a hint of guilt.

He started to move his way past Alex, hoping to catch up with Jeff and find where he was harboring Cristina. "Oh." Owen added while he turned and gave Alex a once over. "And she will be my wife again." He nodded as if to emphasize his point, "She will not just be my "baby mama", she will be my wife again." There was no a shadow of a doubt in his tone. "She's always been your wife, a piece of paper didn't keep you two together and it sure as hell didn't keep you apart after the divorce, you two love each other, so find a way to make it work, she already made the biggest sacrifice to her identity by going along with this pregnancy, now its time for you to show your appreciation." It was Alex's turn to shrug and walk away.

* * *

Cristina had inhaled two hot dogs and an order of fries in record time, she gulped down the last of her soda to wash down the remnants of her food. She fell further into the couch of the attendings lounge and let out a long exaggerated sigh. She still felt hungry, she wasn't satiated after all the food she had just consumed. She thought that eating would settle her hormones and appetite, but it did nothing to deter the feelings trickling throughout her body. She realized that she hadn't been hungry for food, she was just channeling all her aggression and pent-up frustration into eating everything in sight, when in reality she wanted to eat someone.

She missed sex, oh god, did she ever. She was always a fan, even if communication had faltered in their relationship numerous times, the intimacy between Owen and her never died down. They were always passionate lovers, and they always had mind-blowing sex, he knew it, she knew it, hell, the whole hospital knew it. They did have such an amazing run, in the words of Owen, it was that small remark that had Cristina begging to scratch that itch once more, after all it was shameful for their last ride of ecstasy to be anything but amazing, perfection in the bedroom was expected for them. Their bodies worked each other in synchronization, and instead of becoming dull, they always managed to keep the fire lit and burning with desire. She wondered which go at it had resulted in the conception of their babies, they were both equally hot and heavy love-making sessions, though the second one ended with her balling her eyes out and re-iterating to him that it wasn't easy for her to walk away and declare their time together had come to an end.

Cristina had been feeling like a horny teenager for the better part of a month, she hadn't had sex in what felt like forever and she wanted to get laid, correction: she needed to get laid. She was not accustomed to not getting any nookie since Owen always made sure to fulfill her needs, once a day, twice a day, hell, if she wanted it, he gave it to her willingly. This abstinence that she was practicing unintentionally was messing with the work and her hormones, she needed someone to fuck her till she was finally satisfied.

And all these feelings had suddenly come to the surface when she finally felt Owens touch again for the first time in what felt like ages, and after he gave her an unforgettable kiss and their tongues danced together for what felt like forever, she was doomed to be a sex driven feline.

She let out another sigh and wondered how the hell she was gonna get any sex when Owen was with Emma, and she was carrying his babies, what man would wanna sleep with a woman pregnant with another man's babies? Ugh, Cristina was becoming more aggravated by the second. The truth was she felt like she was the sexiest she had ever been before. Her stomach was only slightly curved, but definitely not too noticeable, but her whole body everywhere else had changed, her girlish figure had become overwhelmingly womanly the past few months, her breasts were tender and huge, they ached to be touched, licked and sucked. Her pants were getting snug at her rear end and clung to every crack and crevice. And most noticeably, her insides involuntarily clenched every time she looked at Owen, she just wanted him buried deep inside of her while her walls clenched around his thick, hard cock, she missed his cock almost as much as she missed him. She wanted that cock, inside her aching wet pussy, she imagined him plummeting into her tight walls and stretching her out with his manhood, she wanted to take him as far as she could into her hot mouth, until she could feel him at the back of her throat. She missed the way he would grab a fistful of her hair possessively and the way he would roll his hips, fucking into her mouth while her head bobbed up and down his long length. And now a new fantasy had occupied her dirty thoughts, she wanted to get him off by rubbing his cock between her new swollen tits, and watch as he came all over aching chest.

"What are you thinking about." Jeff asked with an amused look on his face, he snapped Cristina right out of her dirty thoughts. "You look like your in lala land." he added.

An aggravated look took over her face as she shook her head, "Thanks a lot Jeff, you just interrupted the sex scene I was playing out in my head." She crisscrossed her legs together and brought a pillow to hold against her chest.

Jeff relaxed into the sofa and placed each hand on his knees and was gonna say something perverted and funny before Cristina shrugged her shoulders and emphasized her last statement. "I'm horny ok!." She elongated the word "horny", "I want sex, no I need sex, I need hot, dirty, stand on my head kinda sex that only Owen can give me, but he can't give it to me cos he is with Emma, and I can't get it anywhere else because I'm pregnant with his babies!." She exclaimed, the irritation in her voice becoming more and more evident as each word escaped her lips.

"Well, I would offer to satisfy your needs, but that would be a little inappropriate, I will gladly go out on food runs and give you back rubs and attend all your doctor appointments, but if I gave you sex, which believe I would thoroughly enjoy and want to, its just that, sex with me, will make you forget all about Owen, and that would hinder your ability to mend your relationship." He finished with a twinkle in his eyes and a playful tone. She had to laugh at his arrogance, even though it was all in good fun.

"I'm gonna leave now before you decide to jump my bones in your state of sex withdrawals." He got up to leave and made his way to the already open door to the lounge. "Well if you're not gonna give it to me, I will find someone who will, oh, and by the way, I'm amazing in bed, I would rock your world and make you think you just entered the kingdom of heaven." Cristina nodded her head knowingly and gave him a wink, now Jeff couldn't suppress his laughter over her arrogance, "I'm sure you'd have me screaming out your name all night long." He tried to leave but mindlessly ran into none other then the baby daddy himself.

I wonder how much of this conversation he heard? Both Jeff and Cristina thought as Owen shot daggers at Dr. Russell, if only looks could kill...


End file.
